Advantages of Studying

Our internet connection was down a few days ago. I had to study for my midterm, for a course called 'Death and Dying'. As the name suggests, it's a happy and cheerful course - quite uplifting! I take 10-minute breaks after every hour or so of studying, and during that time, to keep myself from getting depressed over some of the most profound case studies, I listen to upbeat songs and watch funny clips on youtube. Since I couldn't access the internet that day, I decided to look in to my music folder to see if I have any songs there, and I came across several that were sent to me by my friends. I don't listen to the full songs if they don't get my attention in the first 30 seconds. So these songs were there and I listened to them one by one, liking only one out of the four. But as I got in to heart-breaking topics like 'Death in the World of Children', my need for dissonance increased, and I decided to give the songs I didn't like another chance. I did give them another chance, and didn't like one of the songs for the first 4 times that I heard it. But from the fifth time onwards, I started liking it. Later that night, a time came where I was in love with it -- still am.

Any chance to get away from reading about kids' experiences of bereavement, I started thinking about the extension of my little experience to things such as arranged marriags and compromise. I belong to a culture where arranged marriages are the norm rather than exception. The thought of being in a loveless, dead-end marriage sometimes scares me to my very being. Although there's a difference between 'arranged marriages' and 'forced marriages', and I know I'll have a choice in choosing my life partner, this freedom doesn't guarantee me the love that might be present if someone was to approach me outside the context of family and get to know me before asking me to marry him. Not that I have any restrictions upon me in choosing my future husband, there are greater chances of me getting married the traditional way, and this thought of getting someone stuck with me, who doesn't love me, petrifies me. But now I'm thinking, maybe you get used to things, to people, to atmospheres. As long as they're not clearly contradicting your personal views, morals, values, style, etc., you can grow to like them. Time spent together has to count for something, right?

Can't pray hard enough for this optimism to turn into reality.