Irreconcilable Loss

I still remember the time I got the 'Best Student of the Year' award in grade 10. My whole family had come to the graduation ceremony. When my name was announced to get the award, my mom seemed so proud. She told the woman sitting next to her, "This is my daughter!". That was the happiest day of my life.

Two years later in grade 12, I won the award for 'Excellence in Mathematics'. This time however, mom wasn't in the audience. She wasn't even in the world. Most of my day was spent crying.

Two weeks ago, I got my license. I can legally drive now! I was ecstatic. Called everyone I could, announced it everywhere I could, hugged everyone I saw. Then all of a sudden I broke down into tears and remembered the one person I couldn't call, the one person I couldn't tell this to, the one person I couldn't hug; yet she was the one person who would've been the happiest for me -- mom.

I got over the surge of that heart wrenching pain pretty quickly though. Most of the day was spent laughing and smiling. And right now I'm realizing, some healing has taken place. That which once seemed insurmountable is now beneath me. That which once seemed incurable is now only a scar. Flowers have started to blossom where fire had once destroyed everything.

Never imagined a healed soul would feel so hurt though.