The Little One

When I was born after my two older brothers, everyone advised my parents that they should have another daughter. "You should have at least two daughters", they'd say, or "She'd get lonely playing by herself. She should have another sister". But then the youngest one was born... a boy. I was around 5 then. I remember being told by everyone that I was having a sister. I don't know why they just assumed that this one would be a girl. Anyway, so I was all happy and excited and I was thinking of taking revenge on my brothers for not including me in their games. In their defense though, they didn't include me in their games because I was a girl, but because I was the worst player you could possibly find. I was overly fragile, extra sensitive and hated to lose. Anyway, on the 27th of December, mom and dad were in the hospital, and I remember being told that I have a baby brother. "Another one?!" I was very disappointed. But we went to see the little thing anyway. I wanted to see my mom and be angry with her. She had promised me a sister! The whole ride from our home to the hospital, I was so mad. So we went, and her and the newborn were still in the ward. I went to my mom and there was this itsy bitsy little thing lying next to her, wearing this parrot green wool knit sweater. His eyes were open and he was gorgeous. Mom smiled at me but I didn't notice. I was busy looking into those precious hazel eyes, which were wide with amazement, and I rememer thinking, I'll take care of him for as long as I shall live. It was love at first sight then. I totally forgot the fact that he was supposed to be a girl and that now I'll have three brothers who'd tease me and all the things that had run through my mind during the 20 minute ride to the hospital. All I thought after seeing him was that he was born to be loved and I would give him all the love I have.

He was 11 when our mom passed away. I wasn't old either, by any stretch of the term, but I was still older than him. Nothing, not even the death of my mom, hurt me more than seeing him cry because he had lost his mom. I just wanted to place him in my heart forever and guard him from all of life's nasty surprises. I sometimes feel that I've developed a mom-ly place in my heart for him. When he smiles, my heart feels like dancing. When he laughs, I just want to fill the world with colour. When he's sad I want to cry out his pain through my eyes. Everything I own, that I find to be worthy, I have his share in it. If I think anything has the potential of making him happy, I'll make sure he gets a taste of it. When I buy chocolates, when I get something cool, when I cook something that tastes great, I can't digest it without having shared it with him first. When I listen to a good song, or a poem, or a joke, or a clip, I have to share it with him. So he can be happy. When I come home and see him, my fatigue seems to melt. I sometimes want to spend all the money on him... buying him anything and everything he wants. When it comes to him being happy, nothing else matters.

The part I find to be the most fulfilling and rewarding in this whole situation is, he feels the same way. We're best friends. I'm the one he comes to when he wants something solved. I'm the one he comes to when he wants to share a happy/sad news. I'm the one he talks to when he wants something. We're close. We do fun stuff together too. I remember a couple of weeks ago, I was bored out of my mind. It was around 1:30 AM. So I went to his room and he was bored too. You know what we did? We learned (via youtube) how to knot ties! Well, he learned how to knot ties, I just learned how to strangle myself.

He's a very well-mannered kid. He's smart, funny and very handsome. He's like a prince -- he's so graceful. When you talk to him, you just can't help but feel pride. He's a fellow human, and you're a human, and you feel proud of being a human then. I don't know if this makes sense to you. It does to me. I know my parents are the rightful owner of all the compliments the kid gets, but I feel that somewhere along the line, I made a little contribution to his personality.

I love my older brothers too. It's just.. they're brothers first and then... acquaintances. The youngest one is a friend first, then this being that I want to give the world to. And he's my brother. If as a sister I love him this much, I don't know how much love mothers have in their hearts for their children. I can't even imagine.

This is how I'd sum up my relationship with the youngest one, probably the only person I know that I wouldn't have to think twice before sacrificing my own life for:
"It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea". ~Dylan Thomas

FINALLY!

This... will be one of those rare (so far) posts which would be said in a positive mood. Reason being, I'm ecstatic right now. I've already applied for graduation, the convocation is in October. I just completed my last exam of my last course last night. ON A SATURDAY NIGHT! Exam was scheduled from 7 - 10 PM. I was done around 9. My best friend (who's also about to be my sister-in-law inshaAllah) came to pick me up. We went to Demetres from there. My brother paid for our food! Then she gave me this nice bouquet of 12 beautiful red roses. I was so happy that I just held them throughout the whole ride.

Then we went for a long drive. Man it was so nice! The weather matched my expectation so well. A little ahead of the main city, where there weren't as many lights and stuff, we could actually see the stars on the sky! I've been here for 9 years, and I've never seen stars! So that was just... wow. It was in many ways the perfect night. I was with my best friend, going on a long drive, relieved from the shackles of university, with a French Vanilla in my hand. What else?! I'm al-Hamdulillah very happy and I'm very happy to be so happy.

The flowers are in my vase on my dressing table right now!