The Gist

We have a lot of things we take for granted. The five senses, for example. What a blessing it is to see, to touch, to taste, to smell, to hear! Do we show gratitude for these? Do we even use them appropriately? Just to start us off in life, God gave us these and a few other gifts. Then as we showed some worthiness, or even the potential, of having more, God kept showering us with His mercies. We have shelter to protect us, clothing to cover us, food to live on, and air around to survive on. But we want more. What if, God gave you all that we're worthy of already? Parents, siblings, friends, education, job... what more? Fine you fulfilled your duties, but maybe what you've done is not enough to warrant you some of the things that your heart desires. Like love for instance. Do you deserve true love? What if you've already been rewarded for all the good things you've done? For all the good deeds you're capable of doing? If you want more in life, prove your worth to God first. But what if you've given it all you've got and have nothing else to offer now? And no doubt God has rewarded you too. Look around you. Think of the many people that don't have what you have. Are we greedy in that, that we still want more? How does one calculate if one's deserving of more blessings? But if you truly were the rightful owner of such niceties, wouldn't God have already given them to you? The fact that He hasn't, can be taken as a sign of your incompetency in achieving more high-priced rewards.

Yet after knowing all this, I can't snatch away the desire that fuels my living.

Sleepy Sunday

LOVE these kinda days... where there are no pressures, no chores to be done, nothing major, just... relaxation. I tried to finish all my research for one of my courses last night, and as a result was up till dawn. Went to bed around 6:30 AM, and woke up at 11:30 AM. Got out of bed at 1:30! Boy that sure was fun. Eyes barely opened, weird drunk sensation tickling somehow, plopped on the couch with Florence, while the two of us watched 'To Grandmother's House We Go', half yawning, half asleep, with hazy eyes. Managed to grab some food in the middle too. Off to bed again in a couple of hours. I'm tired.

Everyone is allowed a break every now and then.

Nailing It In

Humans are called social animals for all the right reasons. Although we come this world alone, we don't exist in isolation. If we did, we'd develop a whole array of emotional, psychological, and physical problems. We need people around us to live an overall healthy life. The interactions from those around us help us in many areas of life. Yet sometimes we forget some pretty obvious rules dictated by common sense, and say or do things to others quite inconsiderately, forgetting to keep in mind that one day we' be at the receiving end of such acts too, for what goes around, comes around.

Here's a list of what not to do when in a particular situation:

Situation:
Someone is just witnessing a horrible road accident, that involved their mom.

What Not to Do:
Don't tell them the severity of it or how much the victim suffered, or how careless the other driver was.
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Situation:
Someone's deceased mother in the Critical Care Unit, and her kids and husband are in the worst form of emotional pain.

What Not to Do:
Don't talk about the hardships you're facing in finding a suitable guy for your daughter.
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Situation:
Someone opens up their heart to you, telling you the dodge life just gave them, and they're looking for comfort.

What Not to Do:
Don't overlook their hurt by saying 'it happens to everyone, that life's a bitch and they should move on'. [A hug or pat on the shoulder, careful listening, and a few phone calls per week are what the situation demands].
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Situation:
Someone tells you how hard life has become after a significant loss.

What Not to Do:
Don't argue (or even talk) about the insignificance of the loss. It was their loss - you don't know crap about it. Pitiful sympathy is an absolute no as well! [Do the things recommended in the previous situation and think of practical ways to share their burden].
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Situation:
Someone tells you how much they miss someone they've lost.

What Not to Do:
Don't, in any way, tell them to be patient. If you do and they kick you where it hurts the most, I'd come and kick you there too.
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Situation:
Someone's life takes a total 180 turn and they're not themselves, or their old selves, for the next few months.

What Not to Do:
Don't complain about their attitude. They're having to reconstruct their whole worldview and they need time.
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Just follow some basic rules of courtesy. Think before you speak and then place yourself in your addressee's shoes and think some more. Think while you're speaking and then think after you're done speaking. There's nothing physically hard in the tongue, yet it can manage to have the head broken!

Irreconcilable Loss

I still remember the time I got the 'Best Student of the Year' award in grade 10. My whole family had come to the graduation ceremony. When my name was announced to get the award, my mom seemed so proud. She told the woman sitting next to her, "This is my daughter!". That was the happiest day of my life.

Two years later in grade 12, I won the award for 'Excellence in Mathematics'. This time however, mom wasn't in the audience. She wasn't even in the world. Most of my day was spent crying.

Two weeks ago, I got my license. I can legally drive now! I was ecstatic. Called everyone I could, announced it everywhere I could, hugged everyone I saw. Then all of a sudden I broke down into tears and remembered the one person I couldn't call, the one person I couldn't tell this to, the one person I couldn't hug; yet she was the one person who would've been the happiest for me -- mom.

I got over the surge of that heart wrenching pain pretty quickly though. Most of the day was spent laughing and smiling. And right now I'm realizing, some healing has taken place. That which once seemed insurmountable is now beneath me. That which once seemed incurable is now only a scar. Flowers have started to blossom where fire had once destroyed everything.

Never imagined a healed soul would feel so hurt though.

Test

Nothing will be given to you if you just sit passively, waiting for the world to be placed at your feet. You have to work towards happiness, towards success, towards prosperity. Sounds good so far. But what if you had to give something in return? What if you had to pay for trying to achieve happiness? Pay with something that's the most precious to you. If you're lucky, you might succeed in attaining your goal, but what if you're not lucky? What if, in the process you lose the thing dearest to you? What if a situation presented itself in such a manner that in order for you to achieve something, you have to put your heart at risk? If you get it, phew! If not, you didn't only fail, you now also have a broken heart. Now replace 'heart' with a person. This person, who means the world to you, in your attempt to get something, is also hurt. It's an all-or-none situation, but you have no other way to go either. What do you do? Wait for another way to be miraculously shown to you, or courageously enter this miraculously opened door? Is the risk worth taking?

There Was an Old Owl

There was an old owl who lived in an oak;
The more he heard, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why aren't we like that wise old bird!

~Anonymous

The Heart Remembers

I miss thee, my mother. Thy image is still the deepest impressed in my heart. ~ Eliza Cook

Once Upon a Time..

My mom was coming home from work one day. A butterfly flew in the van she was traveling in. My mom caught it and found an empty jar in the van to put the butterfly in. When she came home, she gave it to me, and suggested that we build a house for the butterfly to stay in. I was around 4 years old then. So we filled one third of the jar with water, placed 7 blades of grass in it, placed a rose and some other wild flower in, added some stones and rocks, and covered the jar with a piece of muslin cloth. I loved my butterfly.

I spent the whole afternoon carrying the jar from one room to another, showing it to everyone I could. Around evening time, I noticed the butterfly wasn't flying as much as she was in the afternoon. So I told my mom and she suggested it could be because the butterfly was missing its home and maybe we should release it. That made me sad. It was my friend and I wanted it to stay with me, but I didn't want it to be sad either. So I went out to the garden and looked for the perfect place to let go of my friend. I found it near the rose bushes: it was a big fat red rose and I wanted my butterfly to sit on it. So I removed the muslin cloth and the butterfly flew out so fast that I didn't even get to see it. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

I came inside and ran to my mom, sat in her lap and told her in a sorrowful voice what had happened. She kissed me on my cheeks and said that maybe we should go out where I released her and she might still be flying in the same area. So she held my hand and walked me to the patch and I looked around for it; didn't see it anywhere. I looked at my mom and she was smiling and looking down at the collar of my pink blouse. I looked down there too and saw the butterfly sitting there. It didn't leave me without saying goodbye! So I gently touched her wing with my index finger and she flew from one flower to the other. That was our goodbye, although she left me with something: the collar of that blouse still has some butterfly colour from when she sat there.

Advantages of Studying

Our internet connection was down a few days ago. I had to study for my midterm, for a course called 'Death and Dying'. As the name suggests, it's a happy and cheerful course - quite uplifting! I take 10-minute breaks after every hour or so of studying, and during that time, to keep myself from getting depressed over some of the most profound case studies, I listen to upbeat songs and watch funny clips on youtube. Since I couldn't access the internet that day, I decided to look in to my music folder to see if I have any songs there, and I came across several that were sent to me by my friends. I don't listen to the full songs if they don't get my attention in the first 30 seconds. So these songs were there and I listened to them one by one, liking only one out of the four. But as I got in to heart-breaking topics like 'Death in the World of Children', my need for dissonance increased, and I decided to give the songs I didn't like another chance. I did give them another chance, and didn't like one of the songs for the first 4 times that I heard it. But from the fifth time onwards, I started liking it. Later that night, a time came where I was in love with it -- still am.

Any chance to get away from reading about kids' experiences of bereavement, I started thinking about the extension of my little experience to things such as arranged marriags and compromise. I belong to a culture where arranged marriages are the norm rather than exception. The thought of being in a loveless, dead-end marriage sometimes scares me to my very being. Although there's a difference between 'arranged marriages' and 'forced marriages', and I know I'll have a choice in choosing my life partner, this freedom doesn't guarantee me the love that might be present if someone was to approach me outside the context of family and get to know me before asking me to marry him. Not that I have any restrictions upon me in choosing my future husband, there are greater chances of me getting married the traditional way, and this thought of getting someone stuck with me, who doesn't love me, petrifies me. But now I'm thinking, maybe you get used to things, to people, to atmospheres. As long as they're not clearly contradicting your personal views, morals, values, style, etc., you can grow to like them. Time spent together has to count for something, right?

Can't pray hard enough for this optimism to turn into reality.

Profound Impact

Sometimes the smallest of sentences can cause the biggest change. Humans are highly powerful solely on the basis of their language command -- we should use our words carefully. I was reading an awesome book and I came across a wonderful anecdote related by the author, who is also a psychologist (Raymond J. Corsini). He was once with an inmate, who had made an appointment to come and see him. The inmate told Mr. Corsini that he was leaving on parole on Thursday, and couldn't leave without thanking him first. So Mr. Corsini asked the reason. And the prisoner told him that when he left Mr. Corsini's office about two years ago, he was walking on air. He changed the group of people he was hanging out with, learned some skill that he could use to get a job, got his high school diploma from the prison high school, and now had a job to go to upon leaving prison. He made his relationships with God and his family better, and was just extremely happy. But Mr. Corsini couldn't remember ever seeing this guy, so he asked the inmate, "Are you sure it was me?" And the guy was a 100% sure that it was Mr. Corsini who he had seen and it was Mr. Corsini who had said something to this man which changed his life. So Mr. Corsini asked him what it was that changed his life, and the inmate replied, "You told me I had a high IQ".

Words are meaningless in and of themselves, mere grouping of letters. It's the meaning, we give to them, that counts.