Neither Here nor There

I think I've defeated the purpose of this blog. Killed it rather. When I started this blog in 2006, I thought I could get my problems out in the open, not necessarily to find answers, but maybe I'd get different perspectives on certain issues, or at the very least, I'd just pour out my frustrations. It worked; but I don't think it's working anymore. I tried to be anonymous. I am, for the most part. If one of my friends were to read this blog, they won't be able to decisively conclude that this is me. Except for my closest friends, because I told them I was gonna start a blog. But that wasn't a problem, because I talk about these things with them anyway. So...I would write about anything and everything that seemed to be bothering me at that time. But now, I actually have to think before writing here. I think that what if the people who read this blog, take my posts in a manner other than its intention? I worry about that because people know me. They know who I am, in person, and then they read my stuff and then... It's annoying. I'm not ashamed of my thoughts, in any way. I'm not hiding anything either. It's about privacy. It sounds funny, I realize, that I'm putting my thoughts out there, on the internet, and then I'm talking about privacy. But I'm not talking about privacy in the traditional sense of the term. I guess I don't want people to take my thoughts out of context and then give them their own meaning. By people I mean the folks who know me in person. I kinda care about what they think of me. Things shouldn't be thought about out of context. It's like behaviour. You can't analyze human behaviour out of context. You won't succeed in drawing out the right conclusion, no matter how learned or experienced you are, even as a Psychiatrist. My intention was, people can know an alternate persona and know what it thinks. Then there are people who know me, and I don't want them to know my inner most thoughts. Closest friends were the only exception, but now I don't want them to know these things either. My relationships are still the same with them, I just don't want to worry about thinking before writing here. People can talk to a stranger more easily than they can to people in their lives. Just because the stranger is a stranger; he can think whatever he wants...not an issue. It's the people around us whose opinions of us matter.